Conflict in the Workplace

Awareness Advantage Podcast
Conflict in the Workplace

Kevin McCarthy, and Likky Lavji

The following is a summary of this episode of the Awareness Advantage podcast. Each week, bestselling Blind Spots authors Kevin McCarthy and Likky Lavji and a studio audience of managers and senior leaders throughout North America discuss overcoming blind spots to develop and lead high-functioning, high-trust teams and organizational cultures. If you would like to be invited to join the live virtual studio audience, click here. 

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Conflict in the workplace is common. Get any group of people together in an office and there will be some kind of strife–from not refilling the copier paper, to full on management disagreements–but regardless of the type of conflict, it can cause disharmony, hurt feelings and loss of productivity. 

When someone is feeling confronted, they can often react with deflection, gaslighting and boundary avoidance. These unproductive behaviors make dealing with the conflict impossible. There are several techniques to deal with the conflict with the goal of resolution, but which also leaves all parties feeling seen, heard and respected.

1. Guided Questions - Guided questioning is an effective way to get to the root of issues. For example, asking “what are the challenges you are facing today?” or “Do you believe the teams are aligned?” can help the other person start discussing the issues in a way they know they are being heard.
2. Active Listening - Active listening includes not only hearing and processing what someone is telling you, but paraphrasing what you have heard and using facial expressions and body language to indicate that you are understanding and taking in what someone has said. 
3. Bring in a Third Party - If appropriate, bringing in a third party with a defined role can facilitate a more calm and productive discussion. You can ask “Is there somebody you would like to have with us in this conversation?”
4. Change the Location - Moving outside the office to a neutral place can be a welcome diversion and diffuse tensions. Take a walk, meet at a coffee house, or find another quiet place to talk which puts you both on even ground to start a positive conversation. 
5. Pick a Good Time - The best time to talk through any conflict is when there are no other pressing issues to conflate with the issue at hand. Also, it is best to avoid other stressful topics, people or locations. 
6. Use Appropriate Language - Do not blame or name call, use words that show how you are feeling, for example: “When you did this, it makes me feel.. 
7. Talk directly - As long as there is no threat of physical violence, speak directly to the person with whom you have the problem. Bringing up the issues with others can only come back to cause issues later on.

Ultimately, we only manage processes and systems, we can’t manage people–we can only lead people.

Leading people means inspiring, and connecting, respecting everyone on the team. Conflict can be a great opportunity to not only resolve issues, it can also help to build trust with your team, and demonstrate vulnerability, and honesty.

Raising your self-awareness and emotional intelligence will make you a better leader. High self-awareness equips you to identify and conquer the blind spots that lead to poor decisions, strained relationships and high levels of stress. Awareness is the leader’s superpower that drives engagement, inspires retention and shifts culture. Awareness gives you the advantage you need to influence and inspire the people you lead.

If you would like to know more about how self-awareness makes a better leader, download our latest podcast.